Plumbing Related Jokes

"Did you hear about the blind plumber?"
He picked up a hammer and saw...

I was an apprentice plumber, working for my dad, putting in cast iron sewers at a very rapid pace. One day, I went to my father, the boss, and complained. "Hell, this is nothing" he said, "when I was your age, my father used to let us lay the first length of pipe, turn the water on, and we'd have to lay pipe to keep ahead of it!!"
- from Dave Oot, Oot Plumbing, Liverpool, NY

"Did you hear that someone broke into our local police station and stole the toilet?
Right now the cops have nothing to go on....."
- from Duncan Prahl, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

"A local doctor called us out in the middle of the night because one of his toilets was blocked.
He insisted that it was urgent and that we attend immediately. Upon arrival we lifted the toilet lid, threw in two aspirins, and said 'If it's still there in the morning, give us another ring.'"
- from Michael Baker Plumbing and Heating, Beverley, East Yorkshire, England

Plumbing is the only profession where you'll hear your boss say, "Be sure your 'joints' have lots of 'Dope' in them!"
- from Wayne Holman, Wildwood, NJ

"Your crap is my family's bread & butter."
- from Kelly Trimble, Branson, Missouri
Kelly said that those words were used by Roger, a former employee of their family. It was Roger's slogan. Roger was a real person who, according to Kelly, used to use "blue language without regard to who was in earshot." Thanks Kelly for your permission to show those words.

A proud father was showing a fellow worker a picture of his five grown sons. His friend asked what they did for a living. The father said the older two are doctors and the youngest two are lawyers. The friend asked about the middle son and the father said, "Oh, he's a plumber. Someone had to pay for all the others' educations."
- from Joe Gommer, Ontario Canada

A good flush beats a full house every time.

"A plumber is the only guy I know who can take a leak....
....and fix it also!"
- from Joyce Hart

In what way is a Doctor and Plumber alike?
They both bury their mistakes.

....the old stand-by:

How many plumbers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Three...

A boss to tell a plumber, a plumber to tell a helper, a helper to get his electrician friend to do it on the side.

Two...

One to get the beer and one to call the electrician.

There just happened to be a lawyer convention and a plumber convention in Oregon at the same time. There was a party of three plumbers and three lawyers leaving California and taking the train to the conventions. As they were standing in line for tickets, the lawyers noticed that the plumbers only bought one ticket. The lawyers bought their three tickets and boarded the train but watched the plumbers to see how they were going to get by with only one ticket.

After boarding, the three plumbers squeezed into a restroom. Finally the porter came by and knocked on the door as he said, "Ticket please". The door cracked open and an arm reached out and gave the porter the ticket.

After the conventions, the lawyers decided to do the same thing so they only purchased one ticket. However they noticed the plumbers didn't purchase any tickets at all. They weren't too concerned though because -hey- they were saving some bucks right? Well, they all boarded the train and the lawyers packed into a tiny restroom. After a few minutes, one of the plumbers came by and knocked on the door saying, "Ticket please."

"I once worked with a plumber in New York City that said, 'Every time you flush your toilet you're putting food in my family's mouth'."
- from Mark and Barbara Harris

There was a story of a plumber being called to a doctor's home to do some work. After working for about an hour, the plumber gave the M.D. a bill for $200. The doctor said, "Good Gracious Man! I have been to medical school and residency and have been practicing medicine for over 20 years and I can't charge that kind of money!" The plumber smiled and said, "Yeah, I couldn't either when I was in practice."
- from J D Witherill:

What's the difference between a doctor and a plumber?
A doctor washes his hands AFTER he has gone potty, but a plumber washes his hands BEFORE he goes potty.
- provided by David Zuckerman of A All Types Plumbing, Utah